bloodyrockgod: (old guitar)
1. Charlie has had several blows to his confidence since Bartleby left, which was why he was talking about leaving. He still has a hard time believing anyone could really truly need him, but Darien's been pretty firm on that point so far.

2. That being said, he's completely lost any belief that Claire still wants him to be Seth's father. As far as he's concerned, she broke her promise that she'd never take Seth away from him and he's in no place to forgive her for that or even listen to reason about it.

3. GreenJack was so comforting when Charlie needed it that he's thinking about becoming Jack's follower. (Mun's head does a small esplody at that. That thread, though, was the most fun I've had with RPsterbation since the time Charlie wrote a song for Coraline.)

4. He's still working on making the distinction between being desired and being liked. That people like talking to him for the sake of talking to him--and not because he's famous or to score or to get high--is still a little bit of a novelty.

5. He thinks "New Messiah", the song he "wrote" for David, is the best thing he's ever written.

6. He hasn't thought about the new relationship with Darien too deeply yet. He likes being needed and desired but he's scared to call it love. He's telling himself it's too soon, they're still getting to know each other, and he knows what's coming in Darien's future so there's no point in getting too attached.

7. No one will be more surprised than him if he doesn't screw up with Darien. We'll see if he can break his patterns.

Questions? Comments? IC or OC are both swell.
bloodyrockgod: (oh so pretty by leadyouastray)
Time is not a constant.

It feels that way, certainly, because we only experience it going forward. But from other perspectives, other views, you can see that it curves, doubles back, loops around itself. A moment of deja vu can actually mean you've lived this moment before, even if in linear time the moment is yet to come.

Time is not a constant. Very few things are.

One of the few constants in the universe is basic human nature, and one of the others is the basic nature of the individual. The basic nature of this individual is this: passion. Creativity. Occasional lapses in self-discipline and self-control. Fondness for waffles.

And he is about to experience deja vu.
bloodyrockgod: (Default)
I was thinking about Charlie, as I often do, and his fatherhood issues, and it occured to me that Charlie is in many ways looking for a surrogate father of his own. Millicanon has it that his father was a right bastard, and Charlie wants, in his heart of hearts, a replacement of some kind.

And it ocurred to me as well how perfect a replacement father Locke almost is. Locke is a Driveshaft fan; he's patient, wise (or at least gives the impression of wisdom) and spiritual; he knows things, he teaches things, he provides.

While Millicanon says Pace senior scorned Charlie's talents, and was abusive and alcoholic and all the things that go along with it.

Hm. I'm not sre where I want to go with that. But it's certainly going to color the next scenes Charlie and Locke have together on the show for me.
bloodyrockgod: (Default)
If you have Charlie's journal friended would you mind terribly commenting here? I'm trying to keep the games/friends/categories orderly and my eyes are crossing with the trying to keep track.

Thanks much.
bloodyrockgod: (the needle pricks my skin)
There is a small plaster statue of Mary on Charlie's dresser.

Charlie hasn't been praying much lately--but now, every time he looks at it, he thinks, Mother of God, help me.

He has not emptied the hollowed-out center.

And he's begun to think oblivion is much better than this emptiness.
bloodyrockgod: (fate)

Tonight Jenna gets new canon.

This means:

a) nobody inna bar or inna school until after it's over at 9:00 MST. And probably nobody inna school tonight anyway because:
b) Milliplot gets concluded after the show is over
c) expect squeeing and/or gnashing of teeth*

*because the possibility of drug-addict!Charlie makes Jenna wibble
bloodyrockgod: (bleak by laura4lad)
In his bed, Charlie's restless. He clasps the necklace from Raven in one hand but even its power is doing little to soothe him. He shifts, he mumbles, he bats at the air.
ethan he killed you he hung you from a tree and you died you died charlie you died
"No. God. No."
when you shot ethan it was raining
Look for coke to smoke I overdose when I pack up my nose with coke
"Leave me alone. Leave me alone!"
the others they want the child they'll take the boy
"Seth. Oh, god. Seth. My boy. Seth."
I take a couple uppers
I down a couple downers
But nothing compares to these blue and yellow purple pills
"No!" he shouts and sits up, blinking. He falls onto his back again, not truly awake.
you fired and fired and fired and fired and fired and fired and fired and fired and fired and fired and fired and fired and fired and fired and fired and fired and fired and fired and fired and fired and fired and fired and fired and fired and fired and fired and fired and fired and fired and fired and fired and fired and fired and fired and fired and fired and fired and fired and fired and fired and fired and fired and fired and fired and fired and fired and fired and fired and fired and fired and fired and fired and fired
He can't bear it. "No. I didn't. I didn't. I didn't mean to. Help me. Someone help me."
everyone leaves you charlie
"Help me."
you're not worth staying for
"No. Help me. Someone."
everyone will always leave you charlie
"No. Help me. Someone. Help."

"No. Somebody. Please. Help. Somebody. Please."

No one comes.

In his bed, Charlie curls into a ball and sobs.
bloodyrockgod: (Default)
Tomorrow, Charlie needs to go a whole lot insane. I need somebody who can and would break down the barriers of reality for him--not even maliciously, even, perhaps. Just a trigger to send him over the edge and get this plot concluded.

Volunteers? *bats eyelashes*
bloodyrockgod: (Default)
Only not quite, that's just a good line from one of my favorite books.

I'm going ahead with the "Charlie needs to get his timelines in order" plot that I've mentioned to a few people, and I'm looking for participants: to help or hinder, make things more difficult or help him find a solution.

What the basic idea is, is that Milliways-Charlie is caught between a reality where he died and stayed dead (the Purgatory plot back in January, where Bartleby removed him and Claire from the island and thus from linear time) and the reality where he was saved by Jack. It's fudging what we played then a little bit, but I think it's allowable.

Every time he's gone back to the island since January he hasn't interacted with any of the island's living residents: it's been either the people who've come with him or the spirits of the island, whoever/whatever they might be. What I need to do, then, is find a way for Charlie to go back again to the moment of death, relive the hanging, and be restored to canon-time.

Solving this will probably require magic of some kind, though at the moment I'm open to ideas of who and how. I want to have the plot resolved when Lost Season 2 premieres on September 21st, so there is a time constraint.

I'm also asking anyone who sleeps near or with him to notice he's restless, talking in his sleep, and having bad dreams; and that anyone who interacts with him, particualarly Losties except for Claire who's from the same timeline essentially, to notice that his memories are jumbled. He's always been a bit forgetful (because the mun is, and we can also blame the drugs) but it's only going to get worse.

So. Anyone who'd like to participate, please comment. Ideas are welcome. Madness is expected.
bloodyrockgod: (addicted by apoetneedspain)
Charlie and Faith come into his suite, arms around each other and still smooching and nuzzling. Guitarist sex is lovely. Slayer sex is lovely.

The two together? Quite lovely indeed.

[ooc: do I even need to say this? expect sex.]
bloodyrockgod: (sex by apoetneedspain)
The suite is still a suite, though Charlie's been thinking about converting it back to a single room. But maybe he'll want a roommate . . .

Or have a room available for Seth while Charlie entertains elsewhere.

He hsuts the door behind Claire and smiles at her as he puts his guitar away. "Is he sleepy?"

[ooc: canon happens. adult content.]
bloodyrockgod: (driveshaft by fabulous_icons)
He looks exasperated. "All right. I was an abused child. I had a drug problem. I slept with too many of the wrong people for the wrong reasons and I drove away people who did love me because the thought of committment scared the living daylights out of me. I didn't visit my mother when she was dying and I didn't speak to my brother for months on end. I stopped writing music because it hurt too much to feel. And when the plane went down I was in the loo getting stoned."

I've been re-reading some old Charlie-Claire threads and trying to figure some things out about Charlie--how to get some thoughts I've been having into order. That speech above says a lot.

rambling and disjointed thoughts on why Charlie does what he does )

Any thoughts on the subject are appreciated.
bloodyrockgod: (Default)
The sun is setting but it's still pleasantly warm out by the lake. Charlie holds Bartleby's hand loosely, the baby monitor tucked in his pocket. He sighs with contentment.
bloodyrockgod: (charlie by xrupertgasmx)

Going to Tokyo for a night with David and Loki, and then to New Orleans. I need to see my boy.

Love you,
bloodyrockgod: (pathetic by green_queen)
After this discussion with Indy, Charlie lets himself into the suite and lies down on the floor in front of the fireplace, pulling a pillow over to hold onto.

Everything dies.

He knows this. He knows this first hand.

But that doesn't make it any easier to comprehend, to accept.

Delia's dead.

He shuts his eyes.


bloodyrockgod: (Default)
Charlie Pace

July 2007

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