a letter

Jul. 12th, 2007 09:50 am
bloodyrockgod: (ring)

This is the hardest letter I've ever had to write--and trust me, I've written some hard ones in my life. This couldn't come at a worse time, now with you so happy and everything going so well--and here I am, facing destiny.

The entire time I've been at the bar I've had one question: do we, humanity as a whole, have free will or are we slaves to fate? I've heard convincing arguments for both sides, but I think I finally have the answer for myself.

It's fate. It's always fate. We fight it as much as we can but in the end fate wins.

I have to stop fighting. I have to go back and play out what destiny I have. And the funny part is, I'm not afraid.

I'm leaving everything behind except what I brought with me. The emergency potato should go to Mike or Bernard. Give my music notebooks to Liam: he'll know what to do with them. The Gibson guitar should go to Gren. I'd like you to divide the CDs and books among my friends. Everything else is yours to do with as you like.

I tried to love you the best I could, and sometimes I think I did. Sometimes we shone so bright, Darien.

I love you. I love you always.

bloodyrockgod: (ocean Charlie)

If you come back before I do, wait for me. I'll be home soon.

I love you,
bloodyrockgod: (brothers)
Dear Liam,

I woke up this morning thinking of my tenth birthday, the first one after Dad left. Gran made oatmeal with cinnamon and brown sugar for breakfast. They sang to me at school, and she had put cupcakes in both our lunches though mine read "Birthday boy." Supper was Cornish pasties with more cake after, and when Mum got home from work we unwrapped presents, one from each of you. You gave me toy cars, as I recall.

That was a good birthday.

I've made it through another year, Big Brother. And think of it: I'm sober. I'm happy. I'm loved. I have friends I like to talk to and I've written more music in the last month than in the last two years.

The only thing I want today is to see you again. Miss you much.

bloodyrockgod: (Default)
While everyone rests and eats, Charlie writes a letter.

Angel baby,
I may get sentimental. Be forewarned.

I have realized today I am at cross-purposes here. My question for the Landlord is "how do I get home" but if I go home in all likelihood I lose Milliways.

And if I lose Milliways I lose you.

My brother, and his wife and daughter, are the only family I have left. My grandparents and my mum are long gone and I haven't seen my father since I was nine years old so I couldn't tell you if the old bastard is living or dead. (If he's dead, good riddance to him, all I can say.) And I want my family.

Trouble being you're my family too. And David. And Loki. And Richard. And Moiraine and Penny and Meg and Gavroche and everyone here, everyone whose lives have opened to make room for me.

Storge, you called it, yeah? Love of family. I am filled with storge and I don't want to give up any of it, not a one. Not you. Not Jack and Kate and Claire and Hurley and Locke. Not Liam. Least of all, Liam.

I don't want to make the choice but I'm afraid the choice is waiting for me. One man can only walk one pathway, not three.

So here's the point: if it comes down to staying here or going home, I'm going home. I know I said I'd come back and maybe someday I will: maybe I'll walk through a door in Sydney or Manchester or Los Angeles and find myself at the end of the universe again. Maybe not.

But I'm choosing storge over eros, angel baby. Not because I want you any less. I just want my family more.

Well, I think I managed to get through this without saying anything embaressing. I'm absurdly proud of that.


He rips out the page and folds it in half, writes "Bartleby" on the outside, and put the page away.
bloodyrockgod: (Default)
[ooc: pre-this leave-taking]

Dearest David,

I've been afraid to go back to my world--mostly because of what I was there and don't want to be again. But I've realized something: Milliways has made me strong. My friendships have made me strong. You make me strong.

This is something I must do, to prove I can if nothing more.

I will come back. I will always come back. Milliways is my home now because you are here.

I love you,



bloodyrockgod: (Default)
Charlie Pace

July 2007

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