journal entry

[ooc: post homecoming sweetness and more breakup drama]

I can't take another fight.

Okay. I fucked up. I know this. I'm aware. I feel appropriately guilty and I thought the best thing to do was leave David for someone who can be true to him.

So why does he keep begging me to come back?

Coming home to Bartleby is like coming in out of a storm. He's peace. He's gentleness. Bartleby is never going to make me cry.

There are things I miss about David and I wish we could be friends, but I don't see it happening. He's an all-or-nothing kind of man, and my all is going to Bartleby.

All this is only compounding the feeling of failure post-quest. We all made it home, but no one seems especially happy with the result. And everything is just like before: I don't feel any different. I don't feel changed. I still don't feel like a hero.

And I still miss my brother.

journal entry

[ooc: post the end of the OTP]

I should feel . . . more than this.

I'm sad. I'm disappointed. But mostly I just feel numb.

It's finally and truly over and there's nothing more to say.