milliways_bar

[bloodyrockgod]

There are swans in Hyde Park, both black and white. There are trees to sit under and white chairs by the river, and most days, even at its busiest, it's peaceful and green.

Charlie and Darien sit on the grass under a large oak, far away enough from the river that their picnic is not a temptation to the swans. It's warm out--for Britain--and Charlie is soaking up the sun.

It's good to be home.



[ooc: mun's memories of London are fuzzy, woe. obviously she needs to go back.]

Comments

[bloodyrockgod]

"Of course," Charlie says and moves off him to sit on the grass again. "I've never had a relationship last this long before. It's been kinda--nice. You know?"

[qsilver-lab-rat.livejournal.com]

He nods, after a moment. Then he nods again.

"I can't say I've-- well, okay, life's been better, but if you subtract the death, insanity, mayhem, terrorism, and forced employment, I've never had a better seven months in my life."

[bloodyrockgod]

"Minus everything but me," Charlie says, shaking his head. "Oh, puppy . . ." He gathers Darien to him and kisses him hard. "Love you."

[qsilver-lab-rat.livejournal.com]

He's too busy kissing back to respond.

[bloodyrockgod]

When Charlie pulls back he's smiling, and strokes Darien's cheekbone with the tips of his fingers.

[qsilver-lab-rat.livejournal.com]

And Darien's just enjoying it for the moment it is, head rolling back and eyes shut in bliss.

[bloodyrockgod]

"Puppy?" Charlie says quietly. "Do you--I mean--you ever thin about--us--married?"









He said it.

[qsilver-lab-rat.livejournal.com]

He nods. Without hesitation.

"I mean, the governments a bitch about the whole thing, but I figure there's always Canada."

[bloodyrockgod]

"Oh," Charlie says faintly.

[qsilver-lab-rat.livejournal.com]

"What?"

...he's very confused.

[bloodyrockgod]

"'Cause. Um. I." He swallows hard. "I have. Um. Very ambivelant feelings towards marriage."

[qsilver-lab-rat.livejournal.com]

Blink.

"Oh. Uh... define ambivalent?"

[bloodyrockgod]

"Well--two conflicting feelings at once, I suppose. I mean--Dar. I love you. You're--you're it for me. You're the beginning and the end for me. Yeah? You've loved me more and better than anybody I've been with and you make me so happy--"

He sighs. "I'm so scared," he says slowly, "that if we get married, everything will change. And not for the better."

He swallows hard again.

[qsilver-lab-rat.livejournal.com]

"'Change alone is eternal, perpetual, immortal.'" he quotes, perfectly serious.

"Change happens, Charlie. The only thing that's dangerous is when you try and halt things. Then it all goes to hell."

[bloodyrockgod]

He looks at Darien and then looks away. "What if I panic?" he says quietly. "I've done it before. It's stupid and immature--but I've still done it.

"Did I ever tell you I used to date David?"

[qsilver-lab-rat.livejournal.com]

"Did I ever tell you he told me I crawled up him after performing fellatio on a fudgesicle?"

He rolls his eyes.

"What the hell does it matter? What does it have to do with anything, Charlie? So you freak. So what?"

And he takes Charlie's head in his hands, makes him look at him.

"I'm an expert at freaking even when I don't want to, man. You know it. I know it. I don't have a choice. And you know what? You don't need a fucked up gland in your head to freak you out against your will. You ever choose to leave me? I mean, really choose? FINE. But I fucked up too many times to let you go over a screw up. Over freaking out. Do you hear me, Charlie Pace?"

[bloodyrockgod]

"Because David gave me a fucking ring and I fucking slept with another bloke!"

[qsilver-lab-rat.livejournal.com]

"And you put me in a dress and we slept with another bloke!" He points out.

[bloodyrockgod]

"I asked you if it was okay!"

[qsilver-lab-rat.livejournal.com]

"What the hell do you think a proposal is Charlie?"

[bloodyrockgod]

He blinks at this. "Seems to me it's the kind of question you only ask when you know the answer is going to be yes."

[qsilver-lab-rat.livejournal.com]

"I know you want to be with me forever," he answers quietly. "I don't have to ask about that. What you're asking when you ask that is you wanna be married. I do. Wouldn't ask if I didn't want it. What you answer is whether you wanna be married."

[bloodyrockgod]

Charlie looks away again. His voice is trembling when he says, "So are you going to ask?"

[qsilver-lab-rat.livejournal.com]

"You going to tell me 'no'? After all, it's not a question you ask if you don't know the answer."

And there's a bit of bitterness, a bit of fear. Darien's not perfect, far from, and the whole thing is really easy to see as Charlie not wanting to be married to him as opposed to Charlie not wanting to be married.

[bloodyrockgod]

"I don't know what my answer would be," he says honestly, painfully. "I don't want to get married just to keep from losing you.

"I mean, if we did get married . . . it would pretty much be a symbolic gesture, yeah? Given--everything? Us living in two different realities, to start with? It would just be to tell everybody we're exclusive and permanent. Yeah?"